So like 6 months ago, I started having insomnia and thought that I should order magazines, which is why I am now subscribed to BUST, BITCH, $pread, Real Simple, Body and Soul (that one was free with something) Runner’s World and Runner’s Times. The internet is a dangerous place for Merry’s with high anxiety, zero sleep, and a credit card.
So the running magazines were a bad purchase. I thought “Hey, I like to run. I should get a magazine about running.” Turns out, that was completely stupid. And because I get two about running it seems like there is always one in my mailbox with a starved looking skeleton person on the cover. I realized I like to exercise and that includes running, but I don’t like to do my warm up run at 5am, my afternoon 5 miles at noon, and my 5 miles after work and my 5 miles cool down before bed. Everyday. First of all, who has that kind of time? And second, how is that possible? Wouldn’t your bones just snap apart after awhile? And wouldn’t you get so bored?
So this month there is a section devoted to odd marathons. Dribbling a basketball while running a marathon, 
running on stilts, juggling, and my favorite, dressing up in a vegetable costume (Runner’s World, 26). Now it all makes sense. It impossible not to be bored running 20 miles a day so you add a theme, like dressing like a piece of asparagus, and then you get your fix. 
This man, dressed as a carrot, is currently the Guiness World record holder for fastest man running dressed as a carrot. I think when you reach this point, it is harder and harder to motivate yourself to run 4,000 miles. And it is probably time to replace escapism costume/stilt running with heroin or Jesus. Although this could be a new good way to get customers to the gym be offering fitness classes in this order: Beginners, Experts, Costumers, and JUNKIES.
Another thing that weirded me out from this month’s issue was Sport Beans and Extreme Sport Beans brought to you by Jelly Belly. I like that you can choose between your basic Berry flavored, carb Bean with Vitamen B&C or you can go all in with the
watermelon flavored Extreme Bean that has a burst of 50 mg of caffeine. I had a caffeinated Snickers bar once, and that made me feel pretty gross. I can’t imagine running outside in the heat and whipping out my tiny package of Extreme Sport Beans (yes they are re-sealable so you can savor every Bean) and being like “I AM SO SATISFIED. MUST RUN FARTHER RAWARWRAR!! WATERMELON FLAVORING! YESSSSS!”
I think that I will not be subscribing to another year of Runner’s World or Running Times. I think we are just not on the same page. Although in all fairness, I have yet to try themed marathons or caffeinated Jelly Beans. If you have, please leave me a comment. I am totally fascinated by you and your commitment to your sport.