10. Picking out movies. This past weekend my sister reminded me that I was responsible for dragging her to The Forgotten, XXX, Alexander, Swimming Pool, Rockstar, and Vanilla Sky. I also made Courtney see The Reader one New Year’s Eve and I really appologize for that. If we go to a movie, you better pick it out.
9. Plucking out hairs on my head to relieve tension. I figured that if pulling on your hair eases tension then plucking one out must relieve more tension. But it only stings and leaves a lingering paranoia of being bald.
8. Drinking vodka and dying my own hair. It was never too messy until I was too bummed out in Wisconsin to care where the dye was going, and I somehow dyed little spots on my then Calico Shee-ra. Sorry She-ra! I miss you.
7. Trying to take a shower when the water is turned off. Once I had just been to the gym and seriously needed a shower, but my apartment decided to turn off the water without any noitce. So I thought ok, how can I make this work? I pulled my giant Brita pitcher out of the fridge and thought ok merry you can do this. So I got all the shampoo and soap going and then decided to dump a scoop of water on myself. But larwdy! That was cold! So I decide that I would heat it up. But instead of just microwaving it, I thought I should boil it in the tea kettle. So as the soap is beginning to stick to me, the tea kettle whistles and I dump it into a cup and on myself. HOT HOT HOT. After feeling really stupid, sticky and irritated I finally dumped the rest of the cold cold water on myself. During this process, Kitty sat on the counter next to me watching me like “What are you doing?”
6. Seeing a giant silence as the perfect time to tell a ridiculous story.
Now I will agree that occasionally this is ok. But somehow any lag in conversation turns my mouth into an unstoppable story telling machine about bulimic pie eaters, my cat, inappropriate family tales or something that I meant well but comes out horribly racist.
5. Tequila flavored liquor. By the gallon jug. I think that doesn’t need anymore explanation
4. Ignoring car rattling. I noitced that my wheels sounded funny, but I turned up my radio to ignore it. So while I was distressed that the wheel came off my car on 35W near Alvarado when Kitty and I were mid-trip to Austin, I wasn’t exactly shocked. The car tried to tell me.
3. Running when I have a fever. I know this isn’t a good idea for other people, but somehow I think this doesn’t apply to me. I could have two broken legs and a fever of 101 and I would still roll out of bed and say ok, I can work out. I’ll just take it easy.
2. Putting a wet kleenex on a lightbulb. Granted I did this when I was 8, but I was convinced it would be so cool. It was not.
1. Apartments with gates. Mine works now, so I have to have my card ready, but I can barely remember my keys are in the ignition so this is a major inconvenience, and not a real safety feature. People just follow other people in when the gate is closed. And I live next to a fence, which is next to a big abandoned field. I don’t think it would be too hard for anyone to sneak in. But it is hard for me not to lose my gate key.
{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }
Merry. Your lack of confidence in your own movie taste is astonishing. Swimming Pool was a GREAT great movie. I think you should reconsider that one being on this list, and instead write a list of things that were great ideas, and turned out to be greater than expected. Yes.
Haha, but good ideas are not as amusing. I have to disagree about Swimming Pool. But I do like 500 days of Summer now. If you get me to watch Swimming Pool again, I will consider pulling it from my list.
Gated apartments only serve to inconvenience the people who live in them.
I actually could not stop thinking about Swimming Pool for like a month after we watched it. I think the gardener was the most compelling character
That scene where Charlotte Rampling buys time by seducing him is stuck in my head forever–and wasn’t he the one with the bizarre secret family? PS You dragged some other unfortunate soul to Rockstar.