Really Half Priced Books?

I have so many books in my apartment and most of them have sentimental value.  I’ll look at them and remember the class I took, or in the case of Stephanie Seymour’s Beauty Secrets for Dummies, what it was like to be ten and curious what tweezers were for.  Each book makes me feel like I achieved something great.  My books make me feel like a wealthy woman.  But today Half Price Books reminded me that I awkwardly live day to day, with one foot in my apartment and the other in a looming cardboard box.

Today I walked in there with 6 bags of books, convinced I would turn some kind of profit.  And they said “Merry we have an offer at the buy counter….you are worth $48.”   $48??!  But I’m worth so much more (sobs)!  Did you not see that I sold you the House Bunny?  And a book about Hitler?

Before I took my $48 and gathered up my sad little reusable HEB bags, I had some time to browse through the store.  It’s funny to see the books that were really rejected.  For instance, there were at least 20 copies of Knives and Daggers, What do I buy for Hanukkah?, and Magic! Looking at these reject books is so sad.  The author though this is it!  I’m going to write about knives and I’m going to make it.  And then they never published another book and every time they go to half price books they see shelves lined with their rejected book, which people bought and then threw away.  I bet they cry.  I would cry.  But maybe they made billions from the original sale and have no pride.  Come to think of it this is more likely.

While I tried to count just how many copies of How to Beat Internet Casinos and Poker Games there were, I caught this guy sprawled out at 1pm on a Thursday in the sex help aisle.  Judging from his business attire he was either on his lunch break and is 1) Single and needing to learn how to please a lady/man or 2) He has an unsatisfied lady/man at home 3) Had a really bad job interview and is turning to a life of gay prostitution.  He was very comfortable. He kicked back and spread his books around him as he tried to make a choice at what would make him a better lover.  I wish you the best sex aisle sprawler.

Another thing I noitced was a bin full of ugly steel signs.  Most of them were I Love Lucy or some kind of Budweiser sign.  But of all the bins these two signs were the best.

I think that these ended up at half priced books when a redneck with Dog the Bounty Hunter hair married an uptown Dallas blondie.  She took one look at these signs and said…no…and he started signing, “But baby, Amerrrricah.  I eat KFC and soar like a eagle with a giant Amerricah plane!”  I wish that I could have heard that song.