Last Thursday, I went to the academic excellent week ceremony and was honored as a University Scholar. 
I know you aren’t supposed to be excited by awards like that because it’s cooler to be like “oh, I just won some award or something” but I was like a little kid inside.
I won an award! Really? I never win an award! I think I would have had the same reaction if I got a free supply of girl scout cookie ice cream delivered to my house for a year. It turned out to be highly entertaining.
After the enthusiastic organizer shouted directions at us about lines to get in, we picked up a card with our name and seat number, and a list of 16 instructions that we were supposed to read while others were finding their seats. I’m sitting there reading about the process…hand your card to the announcers….say your name…walk when he says your name…do not write on your card…do not lose your card…etc. At the end it said, “Remember these instructions! You must throw this away when you leave the room.” Ooh it self destructs!
The girl sitting next to me was pretty cool. She told me she works at a call center in the middle of the night and her purse got stolen…by the security guard who helped her look for it and filed the police report. She took her credit cards and bought loads of digital cameras. Not so smart. The guy on my other side was on his way to med school and joked about working with a doctor who had a woman come in severely overweight with this skinny guy. He said “Man, this doctor has no shame, he asked her, I gotta know, how do you have sex?” And the girl said “Oh he did not ask that!” Med school guy says, “Oh he did and the best part is they answered. The guy said, “Oh I get out my baseball bat, push up the rolls, and we are good to go.” And both me and the girl were like WHAT! Good company for the standing outside Texas hall in a weird alphabetical line in the drizzle.
Our speaker was not exactly motivating. 
“Today you are here, not because you are special but because you’ve had opportunities.” Granted my life is not like the movie Precious, but it is not like we are at Harvard. It’s like sir did you realize you prepared this speech for UT Arlington? My seat buddy leaned over and said, “Yeah, that is why I work overnight in a call center.” Can’t we be special just for a little bit? I mean come on. He also felt that everyone could be equal with the same opportunities, and I just don’t believe that. All children can pass the AP math and science test if they have the same opportunities….yeah if my parents gave me more money I would somehow develop the ability to put together a bookcase from the directions. If they loved and nurtured me more, I would immediately understand the difference between bracket A and bracket B. My favorite part was when he talked about Thomas Jefferson. He wanted us to think of things we wanted to be remembered for. Thomas Jefferson wanted to be remembered for writing the Declaration of Independence, not being the president. All I could think of the whole time is, but he is remembered for sleeping with Sally Hemmings. No one on the street is like, “Remember how cool it was that Thomas Jefferson did that whole Declaration of Independence thing?” If they even know who Thomas Jefferson is (I watch Jaywalking) they are like “the dude that hit it with his slaves, right?” So really I think you should not live your life with a list of things you want to be remembered for because people will forget those. If you really want to live on forever you have to have the most scandalous, salacious life possible or be completely insane. Then people won’t forget you, ever. Anna Nicole lives on…
When they moved on to the ACES winners, they started reading the titles of the research papers that won. Besides Kallie’s history paper, it is all like “How to cure cancer with double ray combobulators” Except it doesn’t say that it uses the real words. And she was like “Damn we need to meet these boys. Hey, you wrote about curing cancer, we should go out.” I laughed and she said, “They are gonna be rich, and that one is kind of cute.”
And my lovely parents came. We took festive yay awards pictures. 
Supposedly, my dad tripped into a closet and broke his pinky toe earlier in the day, so he was hobbling. And since it was raining so after giving them a tour of University Hall I let them wait for me at the curb. My mom got in safe and sound. And I thought my dad said, “I’m all in!” But apparently I was hallucinating, because he had said nothing and I drove over the back part of his foot. He said calmly “Merry back up the car.” My mom was like what happened oh no! 
And I backed up the car. I guess it was a good thing that I drove over his already broken foot instead of getting the good one he had left, but what a good daughter. Runs over her supportive father with her car. Terrifies her poor mother recovering from pneumonia and gives her a heart attack. They still took me out to eat anyway.
Who knows what awaits them at graduation!? Look at parents!
{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }
Yay for the award!!!! Your poor daddy. He had a bad day
Thanks! Well at least I didn’t like seriously mow him down. I’m not sure how I would have done that, but I’m glad it was just a foot. My sister said she still thinks I’m the best driver in the family…I’m not sure what that says, lol.
I received the University Scholar award my Sr year at UTA. Can’t for the life of me remember what the guest speaker had to say which means it was probably good–unlike the speaker at commencement. All he talked about was his political platform for his upcoming election. Why are the ones we hated in the first place the only ones we remember years later??
Because they are juicier. At graduation I remember the speaker talked about Britney Spears and Dancing with the Stars a lot. But I wasn’t really listening because in my mind I was repeating over and over…don’t fall…don’t fall!