Yesterday I had a migraine that I am pretty sure was a combination of working hard and living in Dante’s Inferno. Seriously, I might as well go live in the inside of a volcano. I have a student that is also hoping it will rain polar bears, but he is more concerned with his false eyelashes melting off. It makes me appreciate not being a drag queen because it is hard enough for me to dress myself as it is. This guy is steadily becoming my favorite person in the class. Besides the stream of weird compliments he threw at me (ahem, if I was an Italian Filipino I would look just like his smoking hot cousin?) he is more than willing to help teach the dual credit students about cooperative learning. However, I do not think the dual credit students were told to expect 30 year old drag queens in their history course. So who did I feel should be his partner the first day? Why the overly shy and conservative 15 year old Muslim girl of course! And start entertaining me….now…GO! Turns out that state mandated lesson about diversity will be even easier than I thought.
I’ve taught both age groups of people, but mixed together is creating a very weird dynamic. The drag queen is friends with this lady who brings her husband to class (I’m not sure what that is about yet) and who told us she was on America’s Got Talent for Karaoke. I’m intrigued. She told me “I’m on TV, but I don’t dare watch it.” The only logical explanation for this is that if she watches TV she will turn to stone. I’ll have to remember that when I show Youtube clips. Her partner crept away from his original partner and I have no idea why? Sure, partner 1 is an ex-military man from rural Arkansas who is missing an eye and has an arm full of tribal tattoos, who said you can’t trust cops, but I’m not sure what about that is intimidating? He informed me he does watch TV, but nothing “too homo.”
I though it was best that I didn’t ask what exactly is too homo? I’m sure probably all the shows I watch fall into that category somehow. I’m just thankful I have TV. I think it really does prevent me from becoming too much of a weirdo. I remember the first night I got cable my TV got struck by lightning. It was like someone had given me 500 ice cream cones and scoop had fallen off every single one of them. Talking to Time Warner was even more disheartening. ”Check the (insert name of TV cables here). Is that working?” Well, my TV was made in the early 90s and I am pretty sure it doesn’t have those cables. “Does your DVD player work?” Again, this TV is too old for a DVD player. ”Does your TV make you feel better about your dead grandma too?” Um say what? Until that night, I had no idea that elderly ghosts could, in fact, posses TVs (I’m assuming other appliances like blenders and can openers also channel the dead).
TV if you are listening, you should give me a reality show. I know I’m weird enough and just as entertaining as a Karsdashian. Think about it. I’ll have my dead grandma call your dead grandma.