Do you have an Exit Strategy?

Frenzy

So I came up to school today to print out some stuff, and I found a delightful little package in my box.  The Environmental Health and Safety Office is very concerned about my well being.  They passed out a manilla envelope full of goodies to faculty and grad student workers.  There is a pamphlet, a magnet, a button, and a CD.  My favorite item in the bundle is the weird door hanging sign that looks like a hotel DO NOT DISTURB sign.  Am I supposed to hang that on my office door?  If I don’t will I suffer a disaster as punishment?  Because when I come up to my office on the 3rd floor I want to read this hanging from my door, “When a fire breaks out in a crowded place, everyone runs to the entrance.  People panic and start pushing.  Some fall down.  Some even die.  When you walk into a public place, plan an exit strategy.  And keep in mind, the best way out may not be the way in.”

Are the “Some” who fall down the same as the “Some” that die?  And do I have to remember to do this every time I go out in public because I can barely remember where I put my keys?  Furthermore, how do you plan an exit strategy in a public place?  With a map?  With a mental map?  GPS?  Do I have to explore the entire restaurant/grocery store/etc.  looking for a secret passage to take me outside in case something bad happens?  Or bring my rope to throw over a beam and escape through a ceiling tile?  UTA, this is too much pressure!  I don’t have any rope, and even if I did I could not climb up it!    And what’s up with that last part?  Why does it remind me of a line from a Disney movie?  Or the Matrix?  Or someone attempting to be sultry in bed and failing.  The Office of the Texas State Fire Marshal came up with this packet and while it has a nice logo, I think it missed the mark.  The pamphelet lets you know what to look for when entering a building.   Exits (ok), doors, (yes, that makes sense), crowds (I don’t think you have to look too hard to realize you are in a crowd, but I’ll play along) and fixtures.  Fixtures?  It explains that decorations next to hot light fixtures could kill me and wittily concludes “Looks like you just walked into a firetrap.”  So at the next office party I am ripping down the streamers for everyone’s safety.

So I’ve got my fire safty button pinned on and I have my magnet in hand, what’s next manilla envelope?  I fold out card about emergency preparedness.  I can appreciate the info on fires, electrical failure, and utility failure.  But it makes me sad and disturbed that they have such detailed plans about Firearm Threats and Hostage Situations.  I realize there are lots of shootings on campuses so this is logical to include, but way to make me paranoid.  My favorite piece of their advice is DO NOT complain when someone takes you hostage. You are probably going to be crying or peeing your pants and who is going to be like “Uh, this is taking up way too much of my time.  I need to get my nails done.”  I hope no one terrorist demands and takes me hostage.  At least I now know to suck it up and not complain.

I also can’t help but be amused by the the suspicious package guidelines that get more ridiculous as the list goes on. Be wary of a package that: Has a title but no name (valid), No return address (wouldn’t have thought of that, valid), Lopsided envelope (also acceptable).  Towards the bottom of the list are things that I really think no one should have to be told.  Something might be wrong with your package if it has a suspicious odor….(um yes, that is very very wrong).  There is a ticking sound…(would someone have a ticking package and seriously not think, something was wrong with it?  The only excuse for opening a ticking package is if you had ordered some kind of clock.)  Oh yeah, and oily stains (ew).

While I think all of this is a little ridiculous, I will admit it got my attention and I have now read all the disaster prevention material.  So I guess the Texas Fire Marshall deserves a pat on the back.  I seriously hope most people don’t need this information, but they probably do.  People are stupid enough to dry their hair in the bathtub and eat those moisture absorbent packets that say DO NOT EAT that come in new purses.  I guess they need to be told that fire is hot and candles shouldn’t be left alone….in a room full of paper mache…next to a space heater emitting carbon monoxide….while they re-light a malfunctioning firework and point it towards their face.

DO YOU HAVE AN EXIT STRATEGY?