09 Sugar (Gimme Some) (feat. Ludacris & Cee-Lo)
Ever found yourself sitting home scarfing down Oreos and wondering, who is out there for me? Too poor to go on Millionaire Matchmaker (or too afraid of Patti). Then do I have a deal for you!
Aaron Johnson will hook you up! Aaron has a MA in history focused on Holocaust medicine. Around the third floor he is sometimes referred to as the Nazi guy. He is also experienced in Archives and interned at the Holocaust museum. But enough about his credintials. Let’s get to the important information.
1. Aaron has a car. This means that if you are on a bad date you can send him on quick text and he will drive up and rescue you. He will most likely pretend to be your really overprotective brother and he will be carrying a shot gun.
2. Aaron has known his fair share of crazy people. While these people can remain nameless, rest assured that Aaron can deal with anyone under any circumstances.
3. Aaron is cheaper than match.com (I don’t know how much it is, but trust me, we can beat their price)
Aaron is a skilled matchmaker, but he also offers other services. Relationship not going so well? Turning into a nightmare? Well Aaron Johnson will break you up! One quick email of nude photos to your significant other with Aaron photoshopped next to you will do the trick. If this doesn’t work, Aaron will turn to more drastic measures.
Just like what you see here? Want a little Aaron of your own? Then Aaron Johnson will knock you up! For a negotiated price, Aaron Johnson will have you shopping for diapers and baby formula.
Interested? You should be! Leave Aaron your comments below.
{ 7 comments… read them below or add one }
Best post ever.
Well now I feel horribly inadequate… Aaron is a God among men and the next Chuck Norris.
Haha I love how the services that he provides are at such opposite ends: he can either (a) cause your breakup to occur or (b) impregnate you.
so awsomse. i’am so happy to hear that you offer the service of no, no need to break up just let aaron be your baby daddy. so good! i mean seriously what more could i want. that will make any guy run. oh, want to be with me….well see i’m pregnant, and it’s not yours. ya. they run!
“Aaron has known his fair share of crazy people…” I assume this is a reference to me.
Also, don’t forget that Aaron is the most evil genius in the universe.
I wonder if I can put this on my resume….
You finally read it!! I think you can. In the special skills section